Against the odds

Some things you do in life don’t turn out the way you want, well that is how it felt for me in October 2017.  I made that fateful call that cost me dearly, I know it would and to this day I don’t regret what I did however I do feel heartbroken by what the other party did.

Did this make me want to fight back, in the beginning it did together with days of crying and feeling worthless.  My demons were back and fighting on the inside of my head, life does change but not in the way that meant I couldn’t see my grandson (he was only 16 months).  He used to spend so much time with me and his uncles, he came to networking events with me as well.

This just didn’t impact our lives it impacted everyone around us, friends would ask how he and his mother were but because of this “order” on me I couldn’t speak about anything. I didn’t even know if they were safe as I couldn’t interact with them at all without being charged or arrested.

The last 17 months have been horrendous in some ways but in others ways amazing. Yes I have missed both of them every single day and can’t change why but I can change the way I behave towards this news. It has played havoc on my mindset for sure, more importantly it has impacted my beautiful boys. They haven’t seen their nephew in all that time, they were all so very close and were like brothers.

During this time my oldest son was home-schooled so he got to spend so much time with his nephew and they had a very close relationship. He would play with him, put him to bed but not do the nappies (I wouldn’t scar him for life, lol).

That first Christmas was bittersweet being that is was my grandson’s 2nd and I wanted to spoil him rotten but couldn’t.  I really love celebrations and spoiling my family not with presents with hugs and kisses. I love making Xmas special and invite others over who don’t have any family either, opening my home to others is such a joy for me.

To have the police turn up to my home early in the morning to deliver me the ‘order’, I felt violated and humiliated thinking I had done something seriously wrong. NO I had done nothing just the opposite wanting to protect my grandson only.

Once court was over the 2nd time as first time I didn’t have legal representation so the order got extended until Jan 2018, I was going to fight it but it was going to drag on and on and on, wasting courts time. The other party wanted to fight too and they wanted to bring up things that happened 7 to 8 years ago, not really relevant but would have dragged my name through the mud.

I let it go and thought that was the end of it, no I got messages wanting things from me. I rang the police and they said if I contacted the other party I would be arrested, so didn’t respond at all. The mind games only continued with two messages, how can someone that I birthed be like this?  I ask myself this every single day and just don’t know the answer.

I am one of the nicest people in the world, I would love my last $$ to someone else, open my home to anyone and everyone (yes I used to do this many times) and yes I got burnt but that didn’t deter me from wanting to help others. I also took in a foster child who was 14 and she changed so much in the time she was with me.

I digress sorry. Every time DD contacted me I felt the pain again, in the end I blocked her because the pain gets too much.  My mental health gets played with and geez I go back to that person I was 8 years ago with the “plan”, it doesn’t take as long to snap out of it but it is still there (yes I am a work in progress).

My DD and grandson also missed my milestone birthday, my 50th. I was very teary on the day/night because my special peeps were not there.  Yes there were friends there and it was such a great night, I hired a whole playcentre for my party with not kids allowed.

The 2nd Xmas came around and yes I was upset but not as much and for not as long.  Having people over and opening my home again did dull the pain of missing my daughter and grandson.

Back to court in January, yes I got served again even with doing nothing I mean absolutely nothing to have a order extended.  Wasting the courts time and I was there all day with one of my awesome friends. Oh guess what it got put off until March oh joy.

Court isn’t a place that you ever want to be let along with your daughter being against you.  Nothing will ever change what has happened over that time however I need to move on and keep living my dreams with my sons.

March came along, I had a support person again and my daughter didn’t show. This means it was thrown out of court and there is no intervention order, hence why I am able to write this and let others know that someone will always have your back.

I did go armed with over 6 character references and the proof from her that she had been contacting me  in that time, thank goodness it wasn’t needed. I am just so thankful for every single person that was in my corner, that stood by me even with this hanging over my head.

Lessons I have learnt from this experience are:

1. Stick to your guns when you know that what you are doing is for the safety of others
2. Know that there will be some hard battles but you are strong enough to make it through
3. When the going gets tough, there is a whole village there spurring you on

Never will I ever let anything define the person I am, I will rise above and learn something from every experience in life.