Three decades ago, I was bullied in school, never physically, but verbally taunted on a regular basis. Back then, there was nobody to talk to about bullying. Nothing was ever discussed at school about how to handle this type of situation. It was a taboo subject and where I came from it was unheard of to ‘snitch’ on anyone.
I kept every emotion I had about the situation bottled up. Anger eventually bubbled up into potent anger and one day I snapped, punching the main instigator in class. We were both reprimanded and briefly suspended, but the bullying stopped after that. A violent retaliation is not something I condone as generally it exasperates the situation, but at the time it was an uncontrolled reaction and all I had in my kit bag to try and deal with the situation myself.
I’m lucky to have channelled positivity from that negative experience into my writing and corporate work, to drive anti-bullying awareness. My poetry collection, Graffiti Lane, explores the journey of being kicked down, to bouncing back and eventually flying high. It stems from a passion for helping teenagers, young adults and adults develop resilience in the face of adversity.
Workplace bullying can happen in any type of work environment, occurring when someone repeatedly torments, harasses, intimidates, or causes distress to a colleague in physical, verbal, social or psychological ways. It can encompass repeated hurtful remarks, sexual harassment, physical grabbing or pushing, exclusion from work related activities, belittling, playing mind games, allocating pointless tasks, holding back important work information, making impossible demands, or adjusting hours and conditions to make life difficult.
The Wolf in Disguise
In a survey conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 27% of respondents confirmed they had current or previous experience with workplace bullying. 72% were aware of workplace bullying incidents. There are many different types of bullies, covert and overt, but some more common types include:
Angry Aggressor – This is someone who loves to throw unnecessary insults around, sometimes resorting to name-calling, always thriving on the ability to humiliate others. They are highly visible, often in a position of power that prompts them to think they are invincible.
Blackmailer – Ever been in a meeting with someone who holds a gun to your head? Succumb to their demands or the company is going to crumble and it will be entirely your fault. Refuse to pander to their needs and they will throw you under the bus at the first sign of a problem, after all, they told you so.
Gossip Monger – Don’t be shocked if this person spreads stories of your incompetence. Defamation of the character is what they love to achieve even more than bottom line results.
Ruthless Ruler – They have a cutthroat attitude and will do anything to get to the top of the ladder. Relentless in their quest for success, they will steamroll anything and anyone that stands in their way of achieving their goals.
Gutless Wonder – Can go undetected for some time, the gutless wonder is the ‘yes’ manager who takes top down orders and thinks dictating the team follow strict orders to the letter will cut the mustard. They will never have a tough performance conversation or let you use initiative to drive a better outcome. Their torture will be slow and insidious. They often hire and fire because they don’t have the backbone to stand tall and walk the talk.
Masked Crusader – This person hides their true self behind a mask. On the surface, their persona changes with the weather from charismatic one minute to gunning for you the next. You never know where you stand with them. Depends on the day, the hour, the minute. Be ready to spend your working day with Jekyll and Hyde, hoping you don’t get murdered behind the photocopier.
Take Your Power Back
The sooner you apply tactics to take your power back from a workplace bully, the better.
Keep emotions in check. The bully wants to trigger a reaction so avoid giving them the satisfaction of seeing you lose your cool. Work on keeping a poker face during tough situations and stay calm in the moment.
Maintain a written log. Record any instances of bullying. Document what was said to you, when, and who was there. If anyone witnessed the interactions, note it down. You may appreciate this log of events later.
Seek support. Many companies have an HR representative and policies and procedures in place to deal with bullying and harassment claims. They generally will try and defuse the situation and come up with an action plan. If there is no formal process in place, try and identify someone who will believe you and act as a champion to intervene on the situation.
Call their bluff. If you are on the receiving end of derogatory statements, try using reverse as a strategy. If they put down your work, calmly ask if they can share how they would have managed the situation differently. It often puts the bully on the back foot if they have no immediate come back and can make them think twice about trying to undermine you again.
Seek legal advice. If a conflict involves illegal activity, take action and escalate immediately to senior management, HR, legal, or the police as necessary.
Lead by example. Promote a culture of inclusion, where colleagues are equal peers and bullies are treated as low performers, even if every other target of theirs is achieved. A zero-tolerance approach to bullying and harassment should be encouraged at every opportunity.
Allowing bullying to go unaddressed impacts the physical and mental well-being of the victim but can also impact the bystander. Be upstanding instead. If you see something inappropriate occurring, stand up for what is right.
About The Author
Kelly Van Nelson is the 1 bestselling author of Graffiti Lane, a contemporary poetry collection tackling social issues such as bullying and domestic violence. Graffiti Lane is available now through all major retailers.
