“Have you seen Kylie lately?”
“Not since Tim’s party a month ago, and she was really quiet that night. Not like herself at all. I think she might be feeling depressed again.”
“Really? Then what can we do to help?”
And with that the intervention begins.
If you want to help support your friend through depression, though, it’s important to understand what they’re dealing with. So, let’s talk a little about depression.
What does depression look like?
It doesn’t really matter whether your friend ticks all the boxes for a formal diagnosis of depression or not. If they’re feeling down then they can use your help. There are a few tell-tale signs that someone is depressed.
They may start:
- spending their days slumped in front of the television not connecting with their friends
- turning down invitations they’d normally jump at
- not smiling at your best joke
- sounding more negative about themselves and about their lives than usual.
Other signs to look for are constant tiredness and less healthy eating habits.
A different way of thinking about depression
Most people tend to talk about depression as part of themselves. If your friend thinks, “I am depressed”, they will be depressed. It becomes their truth. But if they change that to, “I’m struggling with depression”, they start to think about depression as something that can be fought and overcome.
You can help your friend redefine depression as an enemy rather than as part of themselves allowing them to step onto the path of victory.
Renaming depression
Most people are familiar with the idea of the ‘black dog’. It’s a way of naming depression as something outside of yourself. If, however, your friend likes dogs, they might choose to think of depression as an ugly monster rather than a cute black dog. I encourage people to imagine depression as an ugly parasitic monster hanging around their neck sucking their energy out of them. Personally, I always picture the depression monster as Gollum from The Lord of the Rings.
Encourage your friend to try imaging what their own depression monster looks like. Whatever image they come up with can help make sense of the lack of energy and the lack of motivation that go hand-in-hand with depression. You might even suggest they give it a name. By picturing it and naming it, they not only start to see the monster as something outside of themselves they begin to see an enemy they can stand up and fight against!
How else can I support my friend?
Once your friend is ready to fight against depression, you might support them further in practical ways, such as:
- suggesting you catch up for regular morning walks. This can help in a number of ways including:
- getting them outdoors in the sunlight breathing the fresh air
- getting even small amounts of regular exercise helps combat depression
- providing a chance to spend time with people they are comfortable with
- giving opportunities for mindfulness – encourage them to ‘stop and smell the roses’ as you walk
- actively encouraging them to do things they enjoy
- inviting them over for lunch or dinner and modelling good food choices by making healthy, easy-to-prepare food
- letting them know you’re there to listen if they want to talk about things.
Finally, if your friend continues to struggle with depression, please encourage them to speak with their GP or an appropriate therapist about getting professional therapeutic support.