People seem to have an impression of psychologists. Usually plain white walls, maybe their degrees hanging on them, legal pad in hand, the obligatory couch and of course, a box of tissues. While I have the couch, tissues and degrees, this is where I want the similarities to end for me and here’s why:
When I first entered school to be a mental health professional, I wanted to participate in therapy myself so that I could have the experience I would be giving my future clients. I saw this amazing older Jewish man by the name of Abraham. He was in school to get a second degree in counselling after years of being in his other profession (I forget as this was over 30 years ago). I, too, was indoctrinated into the stereotypical view of mental health professionals.
Abraham did not have the couch nor the degree. He did have the legal pads and the tissues. However, what I got from him was a genuine human connection and a desire to learn from our work together and provide me with the best possible care possible. Not to say that traditional psychologists don’t do this but I find that they stick to psychological dogma and forget the human connection piece. I learned a lot from Abraham regarding true human connection and authenticity. He was real. He would tell me if he wasn’t sure about something or if he connected with something I was processing and give me a personal example that did not break any boundaries of client and therapist. I didn’t have to learn coping skills or insight from a book or dogma from a long dead person with a cocaine addiction (Sigmund Freud). I learned personal and real life solutions from an elderly Jewish man. I felt seen and heard by Abraham. We couldn’t be more different but on a human level, we were the same and I carry that with me forever.
My clients know from the word go that I am a homosexual man who loves his profession as well as comic books, tarot cards, and crystals. In sessions, when they are processing their issues, I don’t have a problem reminding them how I too may have (or still do) struggle with the same or similar issues. I let them know that the skills I teach them are skills I am doing myself. I want my clients to see me as a human being and not elevate me to any kind of standard other than being a human who got a degree and has experience and insight into what they are doing professionally. At the end of the day, we all bleed blood and put our pants on one leg at a time. Being connected to another human being, not an ideal or dogma, is where change happens.
So when my former colleagues would like to tell me “you are too familiar with your clients” as a way of criticising my work with them, I wear that as a badge of honour. I want them to know that I get them on all levels. Human connection is immortal.
By author of multiple self-help books including Enlightened As Hell, and clinical psychologist of 30 years, Dr Tony Ortega
Author : #IsHeHereYet: Being The Person You Want To Be With, #IsHeHereYet: The Manventory Comprehensive and #AreYouHereYet?: How to STFU and Show Up For Yourself.
Creator: The Accords comic book (www.theaccordscomicbook.com)
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